I know this will be an unpopular opinion, but I hate summer. Yes, you read that right. Every year, right about this time, I get what I like to call summer anxiety. I don’t like to show my body, sweat, or sit in the sun. I much rather have it be cold, sweater-weather all year round. I know, I’m crazy.
But despite my anxiousness, I can’t stop summer from coming. I also could not put off buying a new bathing suit any longer. Our pool is finally open, vacation is soon, and my butt would not fit into the size small bottoms that I’ve been rocking since college ended two years ago. No shame — thighs happen.
Although I’m perfectly content with the fact that I went from a small to a medium, that doesn’t mean that swimsuit shopping is fun for me. Normally, I get together with a friend, we gather almost every single suit we can from Target, and drag them into the fitting room. This year, I had much more anxiety about it, so I spur of the moment decided to buy one while I was out with my mom.
If you were to tell me a week ago that I would be posting a picture of me in a bathing suit on my blog, I would laugh in your face. Because when I stepped into this fitting room, I didn’t even want to show my mom.
I had found the perfect suit. Navy blue and white stripes, sport fit, cheeky bottoms. It was exactly what I had pictured in my mind for this year’s choice. Honestly, I was actually excited to try this one. Then, as soon as it was on, I felt ashamed.
Why hadn’t I worked out harder? Ate better? Not gone out to the bar the other night? I’m not proud of these thoughts, but I will admit that they were in my head.
But this is real. This is me, and I am proud to be who I am — thighs and all! I wiped those thoughts out of my head, sent a pic to my boyfriend [who praised me like I was a size two model, bless his heart], and stepped out to show my mom, who ended up loving it too.
I’m not perfect. I have curves and lumps and things that I need to work on, but I refuse to let it make me feel ashamed anymore. I genuinely love who I am. I worked hard to be where I am in life, and I wouldn’t change it for a thing.
I know I’m not the only woman who steps into a changing room and feels negativity and doubt set in. But I want you to know that you are beautiful — no matter what the magazines tell you. You are enough, and you should rock that bathing suit that you’ve been eyeing up.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that I will stop working on myself. I have non-scale goals that I’d like to meet this summer like finishing a 5K and squatting 100 pounds. But that is so that I can see what my body can do. Not to look a certain way.
I’m sure this won’t be the last time you hear about my summer anxiety, but I’m going to try my best to beat it with positivity. I’m always preaching about self-love, and it’s about time that I take my own advice.
What do you guys think? Have you ever had summer anxiety? Do you like my suit? Let’s talk all about it in the comment section!